Stages of Change
Things I Learned at Weight Watchers: The Stages of Change
Last Saturday we had a great topic at our weekly meeting. It was called “Stages of Change,” and our facilitator Vicki Mansfield did a very good job with the discussion. I think what she did the best was to be a catalyst for thoughts I’d like to share in my post today.
Vicki explained that the stages of change are as follows:
• Pre-Contemplation
• Contemplation
• Preparation
• Action
• Maintenance
Pre-Contemplation This is the stage in our life when we ignore or deny we have a problem. We will not even acknowledge that anything is wrong. “Nope, nope, nope, not me… I’m doing just fine and have nothing to worry about.” Are you wearing blinders right now? Are there things in your life that would significantly change your physical, mental, and emotional well-being with a little effort?
I think this is the stage that most of us get jolted from by a catalytic event. What I mean to say is we go along minding our own business, oblivious to our condition thinking all is well. Then something will happen—we might strain a muscle or feel debilitation pain and wonder, “Wow, how did this happen and why am I hurting so badly?” This example will jolt us out of our complacency thinking we are healthy and strong, when in fact, the truth may be far from it. We might have been ideal physical specimens—maybe 20-30 years ago in High School—but we have let our bodies slide as we’ve gone about the day to day of working and raising families. Sometimes it takes aches and pains to move us into the next stage of change.
Contemplation This is the stage where we start to realize we may have a problem. We think maybe we might need to make a few changes to correct whatever we’ve noticed may be wrong. We’re tired of waking up with lower back pain. We may find it impossible to climb a set of stairs or get down on the floor to play with our children and grand-children.
In this stage we begin to think about what we might have to do in order to remedy the situation. We aren’t ready to make a commitment yet. We’re not going to go join the local gym or hire a personal fitness trainer, but we are at least willing to admit something is wrong and that it may require effort on our part to fix it.
Preparation This stage is the precursor to action. As we admit something must be done, we are required to mentally prepare ourselves to make changes. In this stage we begin to think through what we realistically will be able to do to improve our situation. We might look at our finances and consider if we can afford a gym membership or weekly dues at a weight loss program. We might plan out in our mind the purchase of a bicycle or a piece of home exercise equipment that will help us become more active.
I think another important part of the preparation step is to voice our plans to another person. We should also take time to write down all the things we have been thinking about into a workable plan. As we commit to another person and write down our thoughts, we will be solidifying the personal commitment we are willing to make. It’s much harder to let down another person than it is to let down ourselves. I’ve always liked the pearl of wisdom that suggests a goal or plan not written down is only a whim or a dream. Maybe a more clear expression of commitment is to etch our plans upon our hearts. Take ownership. Commit ourselves and follow through.
Action This is the stage where, as my Dad often said, “Get off your two-spot and do something!” A-C-T-I-O-N….it doesn’t say spectator, or deep thinker. It’s time to implement the things you’ve been contemplating and preparing for.
For me, action was joining Weight Watchers. “Hi, my name is Kirk and I’m morbidly obese. Please help me!” Very much a cry for help. Very much a feeling of desperation that it was either do something or die early. But joining Weight Watchers wasn’t enough. I’ve mentioned before how my doctor told me I would either do something myself, or he was going to cut me. (This last bit referring to bariatric surgery.) He also told me that to make a meaningful plan it had to cost me a lot of money. I’m not really sure what he meant by this. I think he wanted my weight loss program to be expensive in an effort to commit me. (I suppose it is easier to stay longer term with something you invest in…. I don’t know.) One week I was a couch slug (see Progress pictures above) and the next week I wondered what I had got myself into. I suddenly had to pay attention to everything I was eating and drinking, and I was actually paying someone to make me sweaty and sore. (Maybe this is what the Doctor meant by it needing to cost something—it required a major commitment.)
Maintenance This step is the commitment to the Action plan. A commitment to keep up (or maintain) the patterns and habits that helped you bring about change. Maintenance is best realized when the action can be sustained over a period of time; when the new pattern begins to develop into a habit. Dr. James Kaplow was asked, “How long does it take to develop a habit?”
“…so much of the information out there is focused on just how long you have to stick with it until “it” sticks. 7 days, 21 days, a month, 3 months, a year and on and on and on. We have become obsessed with how long we have to do “it” (e.g. diet, exercise, save money, not-procrastinate, communicate better) until it becomes second nature. There is research out there and like most research the results are mixed. But one thing is crystal clear- there is absolutely no magic number of days that you need to reach to make a new behavior a habit. At the very best there is a general rule of thumb- the more days you engage in the new behavior (again- read – diet, exercise, saving money etc) the more likely you are to stick with it. So 21 days is better than 15 days and 30 days is better than 21 days.
The problem with focusing on a certain number of days is that we tend to let our guard down once we reach the number. The reality is that habits are simply formed over time and with repetition. For some people it may be a shorter time period for others it’s longer.
So is this good news or bad news? It’s both. The bad news– if you are looking for that magic number – you will never find it. The good news- each day you do the right behavior the more likely you are to incorporate that behavior into your lifestyle. What does this all mean?
We need to focus on doing our resolutions each day for the rest of our lives. If we slip before we make it to a week, a month, or a year- the only consequence is that we need to start back up as soon as possible. Let’s stop trying to figure out the magic number of days to develop a habit and let’s focus on what we can do each day to make the action we have resolved to make a reality.”
http://www.peoplejam.com/blogs/so-just-how-long-does-it-take-develop-habit-lets-stop-trying-figure-out
As we develop the new habits we will begin to internalize these new changes and make them part of our personality. The commitments we have made to change will become second nature to us. We will have a shift of attitude towards these changes and hopefully we will make these behaviors a part of who we are. I think the only lasting way to accomplish change is to think in terms of life-long commitment. How long do I plan to continue my healthy life choices: For the rest of my life.
Unfortunately, as anyone can attest who has ever tried to change a behavior, we will relapse. We will revert to, or fall back into, some of our old habits (the same habits that spurred us to change in the first place.) The most important thing to remember is that relapses will happen and they are normal. Struggling with change is common. When this happens, and it has happened to me many times, the best way to move forward is to put the past behind you and not dwell on any failures. Let me be the first to acknowledge that I tend to “beat myself up” when I relapse into past behaviors. Let me share a technique that might help you when you find yourself in the same situation.
Confidence This is the source of your strength. Take a moment and think about all the things you did to move from the earlier behaviors to a state of change. Think about your contemplation, your preparation, your actions, and all the work you have done to maintain your new habits. You know what to do. You have all the skills and steps necessary to continue on your commitment to change. A relapse is nothing more than falling off your horse. Dust yourself off and climb back on.
May I now take a minute to touch on an attitude that must be fiercely avoided: Ambivalence. This is when we have conflicting feelings towards our commitment to change. It’s when the part of ourself that wants change begins to argue with the part of ourself that resists it. Sometimes I find myself feeling ambivalent when I’m just waking up in the morning. I know I need to get up and go for a walk, but my bed feels so good and my body tells me to just lay there a bit longer. Or maybe you can relate to a table filled with birthday cake and ice cream at a party. Just one little piece won’t hurt. Then before long you’ve eaten one or two pieces and then the guilt pours in. I’m not saying to deprive yourself, because I know deprivation can be an insidious deterrent when you are trying to change eating habits. Go ahead have a bite of birthday cake if you must, but then ask yourself, “Does it taste any differently than you remember it?” Probably not….and then remind yourself, “Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.” This usually works for me. Remember: Ambivalence sabotages action.
I hope you are finding great success in your efforts to change. Becoming more healthy is worth every bit of effort you put forward.
Have a great week,
Kirk
